Life's a funny thing, you live it and you wonder where it went. I decided to try and organize our old pictures today. I didn't realize what a bittersweet chore that it would turn out to be. I just wasn't prepared for how much time had gone by! As I picked up picture after picture, thinking this one couldn't be more than a couple of years old, I'd turn it over and it would be twenty years old. It seemed like I remember taking it last week. Pictures of my wife Mary and I , taken when we lived in Key West, almost forty years ago, boy were we young. Ticket stubs from an Elton John concert that we went to in 1973, boy were we young. Pictures of our 4 children as babies, one of my daughter when we were in Key West, I can't believe it was taken in 1972, 37 years ago. Happy and sad at the same time. But the thing that saddened me the most was the wistful look on my wifes' face on a lot of the pictures. I don't think she was very happy back then. Looking back, I guess I really don't see how she could have been. I was having a love affair with the bottle, and my job, and the million other curveballs that life throws at a young man. I wasn't even aware that she could be anything but happy with her life. But looking at the look on her face made me want to cry for her and the unhappiness that was written there. She looks so alone, and so burdened, how could I have missed it? The ache in my heart was as powerful as anything I have ever felt, I was embarassed and ashamed for failing her, as I must have. Today was the first time in my life that I wished that I could have gone back in time, and made her smile. And removed the wistful look in her eyes.
That look isn't in her eyes anymore. When she smiles, her eyes smile too. I realize what a gift that the Lord has given to me, and it is my responsibility to make sure that a frown doesn't appear on that still beautiful face of hers. I can't change what I failed to do all those years ago; I can promise to love, honor and cherish her for the rest of my life, and for eternity if I'm allowed to.
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