I finally get it

My dad was the only child of drunken parents. I don't think their example honed my fathers' parenting skills. My guess would be that he was as ill-prepared for my birth as a person could be. Which gives me a whole new perspective about him. And about the way I've felt about him all of my life. I'm certain that he did the best that he could do with what he had. I'm sure that our childhood was a sight better than his was; according to my mother , it was a living hell, as they were the laughing stocks of the neighborhood. So dad, I forgive you. And I'm sorry for whatever hell that I may have put you through.
Just knowing this makes me understand so much about my life. Or what I remember of it. I think that I may have unconciously let my life pass me by. I spent all of my life worried that I would screw up. Which only made me screw up all the more. And my dad was always a witness to every screw-up. It's no wonder that he basically tolerated me, he must have thought that I was the biggest goof in the world. Sadly, he never knew the real me. My life began when his ended. All the pressure to out-do him ended. All the pressure to live up to his expectations died with him. It's funny now but I was as much if not more of a man than him but I didn't know it until he passed away. And now I'm 58 years old and finally free of him.
I wish that I could live some of those years over, but I guess that God had a reason for it. Maybe He has plans for me to help young men that come from homes with domineering fathers. Fathers that have destroyed their sons' self-confidence and made them question every move they make. Who could help them better than me ?