Excuses

The dog ate my homework. I ran out of gas. The alarm didn't go off. I was drunk. My dad was mean to me when I was growing up. My mom didn't breast feed me. And the list goes on and on. We have been using excuses since Eve blamed her sin on the serpent. I was the excuse king my entire life. Everything was my dads' fault. He didn't love me. He didn't respect me. It was perfect. I had carte blanche to do anything, because I had an "excuse". Man, I used it to death. Life was great until I reached the point that every human being reaches, I saw myself in the mirror. I saw the real person inside and I was horrified. And ashamed. Maybe my father wasn't the greatest dad in the world, but I had besmirched his life. I had diminished his accomplishments with my failures. But that is what we do. We make snap decisions and when they don't work out we place the blame on someone else. And there lies the problem. We have lost the ability to accept responsibility for our actions. We watch it on the tube every night. We read it in the papers every day. Lawyers are making millions dreaming up new excuses for our behavior. The O.J. defense, the twinky defense,anything to keep us from assuming responsibility. What has happened to us? Why can't we admit when we are wrong? Are we that far removed from a Christian society that we no longer have the ability to say "yes I did it and I'm sorry"?
Eventually, we all have to live with our decisions. We all will have our time in front of the mirror when we are confronted with with our real selves. When every lie, and every deception, when every disgusting feature of our inner person is exposed to us. And some of us won't be able to accept it and will continue in the same manner until they are confronted by the Lord when they die. What excuse will you use to Him? The devil made me do it?
And then some of us will change. Everyone has the chance, at least once in their lifetime, to accept the Lord and better themselves. To accept the fact that they are sinners and cannot get through this life and find a place in heaven without His help. It is impossible to do it without Gods' help. Only then can we find the forgiveness for our sins and failures and move on. Only then can we find the road to satisfaction and happiness that God wants for us. Get on the greyhound bus of life and let God do the driving. Do it and I promise you that you won't be able to wipe the smile from your face. Because you won't ever have to use an excuse again. God is the driver of your destiny and He won't let you get lost in your life again.

I finally get it

My dad was the only child of drunken parents. I don't think their example honed my fathers' parenting skills. My guess would be that he was as ill-prepared for my birth as a person could be. Which gives me a whole new perspective about him. And about the way I've felt about him all of my life. I'm certain that he did the best that he could do with what he had. I'm sure that our childhood was a sight better than his was; according to my mother , it was a living hell, as they were the laughing stocks of the neighborhood. So dad, I forgive you. And I'm sorry for whatever hell that I may have put you through.
Just knowing this makes me understand so much about my life. Or what I remember of it. I think that I may have unconciously let my life pass me by. I spent all of my life worried that I would screw up. Which only made me screw up all the more. And my dad was always a witness to every screw-up. It's no wonder that he basically tolerated me, he must have thought that I was the biggest goof in the world. Sadly, he never knew the real me. My life began when his ended. All the pressure to out-do him ended. All the pressure to live up to his expectations died with him. It's funny now but I was as much if not more of a man than him but I didn't know it until he passed away. And now I'm 58 years old and finally free of him.
I wish that I could live some of those years over, but I guess that God had a reason for it. Maybe He has plans for me to help young men that come from homes with domineering fathers. Fathers that have destroyed their sons' self-confidence and made them question every move they make. Who could help them better than me ?